i want to try this out but something won’t let me
i feel so bad…….. i don’t know what to do. i feel really guilty for some reason and just sdjfhasbfjbkzbkmnb :(
hate. confrontation. i hate letting people down.
only one and a half more days of me being anti-social and broke and then i get paid and can come out from under my rock again!! except my paycheck isn’t going to be that great but oh well. i can manage.
okay. i’m starting a new writing/art journal type thing. i’m gonna try to write in it every single day, and when i feel like it, i’ll sketch. i just started some freewriting and it felt reaaaaaaaaaaaally good. i just thought i would share.
well, it’s never fucking ending is it. i never fail to make a fucking mistake and have my mom scream and swear at me and threaten me for it. i guess i’m the only one in this house who realizes people make mistakes and some make more mistakes than others. and that yelling at someone and putting them down while in the process of trying to fix the situation makes absolutely NOTHING better and just wastes time. get over yourself. what the fuck. i wish i had the gas to go on a drive right now.
i always want to be able to paint my nails cool designs and shit but no i can’t because i have tiny hands with tiny child-like nails. my life is so hard.
should i be concerned when certain people walk out of my life and i don’t give a fuck? or no
actually this happens kind of every time
there’s two different ways you can do that. obviously, everyone has good memories with certain people, whether they’re still around in your life or not. you can occasionally look back every so often and feel nostalgic about it, but still move on with your life without dwelling on that.
then, there’s people who are constantly saying “i miss how we used to be,” “i miss the old you,” “you changed so much,” “can i just rewind to two years ago when i actually knew you?” that shit gets on my fucking nerves. first of all, like an old proverb states, change is the only constant. PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY CHANGING, and that is a 100% true statement. whether it be physically, mentally, or spiritually… humans are always changing. can you honestly say that two years ago you had the same exact mindset as you do now, at this very moment? we are continuously being exposed to new surroundings every single day of our lives, unless perhaps we are among that very small percentage who are locked inside our basements for our entire lives against our will. these new surroundings are always affecting us; hearing strangers’ views on certain matters, meeting new people unlike ourselves, being educated with new ideals unheard of to us, causing us to adopt new attitudes and outlooks on certain aspects of life.
people really need to learn how to realize that and accept that. in some ways, it’s called growing up. but it’s also called growing as a person. maybe the person realized he or she didn’t actually love the career field they were going into after going to school for it for two years, and now they’re doing a complete 180. maybe the person realized that he or she wasn’t happy with his or her group of friends, decided to make new ones and is now a lot less stressed and more content. maybe the person realized that moping around and doing drugs for five years was a waste of time and they decided to sober up. maybe the person decided to turn to drugs. so fucking what? shit happens. people change. shut the fuck up and deal with it. focus on your own life rather than being so absorbed in other peoples’ doings.
stop fucking whining and crying about the friend you lost, the family member who moved out, the ex boyfriend or girlfriend who dumped you because they weren’t happy. all you’re doing is literally sitting there, sulking in your own pathetic hope that your little “perfect” world with those memories that you’re gripping onto will reappear. maybe if you stopped clinging onto those memories, you’d realize that it’s entirely possible to turn your world into your own version of perfect. yes guys, it’s true. you have absolute control over YOUR life. it’s a complete waste of time to dwell on what could have been. work on what can be.
i am honestly done trying to help you out. i can’t believe i’ve been sitting here feeling sympathy for you and offering to hear you out/and or help you feel better.
you’re selfish. you’re ignorant. you’re oblivious. you’re fucked up.
when you finally realize that i cared so much about you, i won’t be there.
